NetWellness Domestic Violence

Don`t Want it to Be Too Late

Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 15:09:00 EST

Question: My daughter just turned 21. She has been with a boy her age for about 4 years. Things have always seemed tumultuous, but we recently found it he has been verbally abusing her for much of that time. She recently told me has has started pushing her down, too. They have broken up time and again but alw . . .

Answer: Dear Parent,

I know this must be frustrating for you. It certainly seems as if you're doing a lot of the right things--i.e., being a supportive base, not passing judgment, helping her feel good about herself. Many have struggled with the question as to . . .

Ask an Expert: Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD, Domestic Violence

Violence in Female to Male

Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 11:07:00 EST

Question: My father has been being physically and mentally abused by his wife (not my mother) for the past two years. He is normally in good health. Last week he was complaining of dry mouth, headache, and back ache. He presented to the ER 5 days ago with SOB, back ache. He wasnt allowed to call me but found . . .

Answer: Given your concerns and the uncertainty of this situation, I would suggest that you follow your instincts and inform someone of your concerns. If the physician is having a hard time understanding you and your concerns I would reach out to a social worker in the hospital. They are often very resource . . .

Ask an Expert: Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD, Domestic Violence

Supporting My Friend in an Abusive Relationsh

Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 18:06:00 EST

Question: My friend is engaged to a person that seems to be emotionally abusive. She recognizes that he behaves in ways that are damaging to her emotionally, but he started therapy and she thinks he can change. I`m worried for her safety, and she has become very depressed. How can i support her as she makes a . . .

Answer: Your friend's depression is a significant warning sign not only of the harmful influence that her fiance's behavior currently has on her, but of how his behavior will adversely affect her over the long run. Empirical research has documented poor mental and social health in the short and long run fo . . .

Ask an Expert: Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH, Domestic Violence

Should I Speak Out About My Abuse?

Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 02:03:00 EST

Question:

I am a graduate student at a university. The department I belong to is a relatively small one. My ex-partner was also a grad student in the same department, and has since graduated and moved on to Doctoral studies at another university. I believe he maintains contact with several of our professor . . .

Answer: Thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I cannot tell you what to do, but I will state that given the circumstances of your encounter with this individual, it would be in your best interest and the interest of others to inform the public of his behavior. He has been a threat to your safety, a . . .

Ask an Expert: Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD, Domestic Violence

Getting Back with an Abuser in the Future?

Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:03:00 EST

Question: My boyfriend has physically, emotionally and verbally abused me. I dumped him and now am hearing the sorries and that he has learned his lesson. I told him no I cannot get back together with him now. My question is in the future could we ever have a normal relationship? Will he ever change?

Answer: There isn't a straightforward answer to your question.� Typically, in relationships that are chronically abusive, which it sounds like yours is, abusive dynamics persist unless you can make a clean break from the relationship.� It is unclear whether your boyfriend will actually change his behavior; . . .

Ask an Expert: Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH, Domestic Violence

Helping the Abused

Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:02:00 EST

Question: Hi, I was wondering what help was out there for teens that were in an abusive relationship?

Answer: I was made aware of a program sponsored by Choices (Eliminating Domestic Violence). It is a peer support group that meets on Wednesdays (in the Columbus, Ohio area) from 6-7:30 at Huck House. Please call 614-224-4663 for additional information.

You may also call the following hotline num . . .

Ask an Expert: Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD, Domestic Violence

My best friend is battered

Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:11:00 EST

Question: By keeping quiet about my friend being abused, I felt I was allowing and participating in the abuse. She has distanced herself from her friends, she is not forthcoming, but when the cycle gets bad she does run to me for comfort and understanding. Seeing her with black eyes made me fear for her l . . .

Answer: You are to be applauded for your efforts. Many times we do not take action but sit back--and "dire things"' DO happen. You spoke up because you care, and you were worried about your friend's safety. You were clearly concerned about her physical and emotional health.

Perhaps you felt mora . . .

Ask an Expert: Cathy McDaniels-Wilson PhD, Domestic Violence

Am I Being Abused By My B/F, or is it Me?

Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:06:00 EST

Question: Hope someone can shed some light on my situation. I am a freelace artist & for the past 3 years my boyfriend has been pushing me to break into comics. He loves comics & really wants to break in as a writer. It`s an extremely difficult field to get into and I feel being an artist is hard, especially . . .

Answer: Without knowing more about the dynamics in your relationship, it's hard to know whether you're "pushing your partner's buttons." It's also unclear to know the motivation for your partner's behaviors; there are many theories to explain the unjust use of power and control in intimate relationships, wh . . .

Ask an Expert: Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH, Domestic Violence

Should I leave?

Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:05:00 EST

Question: I have been in a relationship with boyfriend for three and half years. Living with him for one year. There has been verbal, emotional and physical abuse for two and a half years. He has stopped physical abuse for two months but verbal and emotional abuse has not. I am college degreed professional wh . . .

Answer:

My advice is for you to begin taking steps to leave this relationship. If this type of abuse has been going on for 3 plus years, it is time to make plans to exit this relationship no matter how many "benefits" you may be receiving from it. Your experience alone is enough justification for you to . . .

Ask an Expert: Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH, Domestic Violence

Dealing with Sister of Domestic Violence

Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:02:00 EST

Question: I feel like my sister uses me when she gets abused from her husband. I even went to court with her to get a PFA for 6 months. She got granted it and her husband had to go to drug rehab and anger management. Well, she voided the PFA and now she is telling us that he is back at home. And that no rehab . . .

Answer:

Thank you for your question. Two things are important here:

1) Domestic violence is cyclical - there is an outbreak of violence followed by an apology period ("I promise it will never happen again") followed by a honeymoon period (things are great; flowers, candy, etc.) follo . . .

Ask an Expert: Amy Bonomi PhD, MPH, Domestic Violence