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Anxiety and Stress Disorders

Anger and Relationship Issues

08/16/2004

Question:

Hi, I’m 22 and my girlfriend is 30 years old. She’s loveable but I don’t want to let myself trust her. She also has 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. She wants me to see them but I hate going with kids. I think I love her and I know she loves me but I don’t want to trust her. I don’t trust anyone, I am angered very easily and while I haven’t hit her I have thrown things. Help, any ideas, should I love her kids too. I am afraid.

Answer:

It sounds to me like you are having some serious concerns about your relationship and your ability to manage your anger.  Both of these are important issues that need more than a quick answer here.

If you have serious doubts about your relationship, then you and she should seek some couples counseling so you can talk about these issues.  Her children are part of the package, and you need to accept that, and learn how your feelings turn into actions in the counseling.

Anger management should be a part of your life.  Everyone gets angry, but not everyone knows how to deal with that anger.  Wanting to hit, throwing things, yelling, screaming and punching things are rarely the healthiest or safest ways of expressing anger.  Anger management classes can actually teach you how to deal with your anger.  A counselor or a primary care doctor could help you find such classes in your community.

Good luck.

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Response by:

Nancy   Elder, MD Nancy Elder, MD
Associate Professor
College of Medicine
University of Cincinnati