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Depression

Depressed........

10/22/2009

Question:

I am 30 and my husband is 34. We have sex only once in a month or once in two months. He enjoys it when we do have intercourse but he simply has little interest. he says that sex is just not important and that it is natural for working couples to have sex less frequently. I don`t understand this. We argue about this issue every now and then. I am confident that he is not cheating on me However, I disagree that our frequency is normal and am dissatisfied. What should I do ? he feels that I am giving undue importance to this matter. he says that for him sex is of least priority. He even called me a sex maniac once when we had one of our fights.I love him very much. but I am not satisfied with our love life and don`t know how else to approach it.

He was like any normal husband when we married, but after about 2 months he started to change. First it was 1 week , then 2 and slowly now months.. He`s a loner, has very little friends. But he`s a different man in office, tries to be over enthusiastic, reason he claims is that he can`t survive in the present situation otherwise. Once back from office, he starts working or says he`s tired even to talk to me. he says, he`s completely drained. That may be true....Only if I force him to stop working and spend time with me, he comes, reluctantly. I am a born romantic. I want him to hug me, kiss me, tell me at least once that he loves me. But it is always me who hugs him, and when I do that he tries to push me away or seems to be uninterested, saying that I always do things at the wrong time. i just don`t understand, is there a time to hug your loved one? How I wish he initiates it. I feel so sad when i see couples making love, happy, together. What do i do? please help........How do make him understand. which doctor should i see. I have even started thinking about suicide. He says that I am increasing his BP and that he will soon fall sick because of me............. Please help............

Answer:

It's time to get a professional evaluation of your marriage. You have tried a number of approaches on your own to resolve this distress, so I suggest you ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a psychologist or social worker who does couples therapy. This evaluation can help the two of you identify what the problems are and how to work on them. Then you can choose what you want to do about them. If those steps do not eliminate the thoughts about suicide, you should seek an evaluation for yourself by a mental health specialist.

For more information:

Go to the Depression health topic, where you can:

Response by:

Lawson  Wulsin, MD Lawson Wulsin, MD
Professor of Psychiatry and Family Medicine, Training Director of the Family Medicine Psychiatry Residency Program
College of Medicine
University of Cincinnati