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Monday, September 14, 2015
My Ongoing Battle
I really hope you can help me. The thing is I’ve been suffering from depression and an eating disorder since I was 14. I’m 20 now. I’ve been primarily anorexic but recently I’ve begun to develop bulimia. My problem is I am really ashamed of this. I feel like I have no self-control and I feel horrible and fat. I see a therapist and she helped me so much. I was hospitalized a lot of times and she helped me through them. I have been maintaining a semi healthy weight that is on the low spectrum for my height. I’m 5`3 and I weigh in at 102-104 pounds, for a few months. However just recently I have begun to binge and purge. It plagues me day and night and I try to concentrate on my school which I just started but it’s hard and I really am not doing well. I am not working but I still use the little money I do have to buy binge food and I’m really losing money fast. I’m too ashamed to tell my therapist who I have really been honest too. Each time I binge I tell myself it’s the last time but I can’t seem to stop. Can you help me?
An eating disorder is like an abusive lover.... the eating disorder behaviors are beginning to take over your life, and when an abusive lover moves in, it is easy to want to defend it and be ashamed of it.
The main way to decrease its power is to tell another about it and begin to get the support to help yourself push the abusive lover out of your space... I strongly encourage you to tell your therapist, in spite of the shame, and work directly with the therapist who has been there for you.
Laura L Hill, PhD
Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry
College of Medicine
The Ohio State University