Senior Health

Tips on Caring for Yourself as You Care for Others

We are composed of body, mind, and spirit. Very often though, we tend to focus on "body care" when we talk about taking care of ourselves or giving care to other people.

Our first concern, of necessity, is to make sure we get enough food, water, and shelter. Then, we may consider factors that may be important to keep our minds healthy, such as being stimulated by reading, studying, thinking, or meditation.

Our emotions and feelings are recognized as part of who we are, and we work on keeping emotional balance.

In addition, we have a spiritual aspect of our lives that keeps us connected to nature, the things that we see, and also the things we are unable to see yet believe in. Most of us spend each day trying to balance the needs of our body, mind, and spirit. It is not surprising when we find ourselves taking on more responsibility, such as taking care of someone else, that the balancing act gets a little more challenging.

As a caregiver, one who takes care of someone else, you become a special resource. You are helping another person to meet the everyday needs that all human beings have.

Caregiving is one way to gain personal satisfaction in physical work for the body, problem solving for the mind, and the feeling of being needed and appreciated for the spirit. But you need to understand that the caregiving role is only one aspect of who you are and what you do.

It is easy to become so involved in the caregiving of others that you forget to take care of yourself. You can be a resourceful caregiver and continue to have a life apart from the caregiver role if you remember to maintain balance:

Be realistic about what you can expect from yourself (be gentle with yourself, don't push beyond your tolerance).
Ask for help when you need it (from family, friends, or outside agencies).
Listen to your body, mind, and spirit for signs of exhaustion, confusion, anger frustration, and emptiness.
Allow your care recipient to do something for you or to give something to you (someone who is "taking" needs to "give back" for their own balance, as well).
Network with others for information (natural networks, such as church, synagogue, community, support groups, and health care professionals).
Care as much for yourself as you care for others (if you neglect Yourself, how can you fully care for someone else?).
Enjoy a laugh, or further develop your sense of humor (you will not get out of this life alive, so you might as well take life and yourself a little less seriously!).
We know that 75% of caregivers are family members, most of these caregivers are women, and the expectation is that they are the ones who will fulfill the roles of caregiver and nurturer because "it's always been that way." Although men make up a much smaller percentage of caregivers, the caregiving process in some way also affects all husbands, sons, and brothers.
Most caregiver time is spent in providing daily personal care to someone experiencing a chronic illness. As a caregiver you are not only giving the care recipient personal care, but you may also handle medical aspects of care as well. If you have no training in health care, these responsibilities could be overwhelming. In many instances, you may be performing care that would take three different shifts of staff to provide in the hospital or nursing facility.
Sometimes, when we spend a lot of time in the caregiving role, we forget that we have responsibility for maintaining other roles, as well. So, self-care, the C in the balance idea, becomes vital if you are to keep up your energy level.

Maintaining wellness of your body, mind, and spirit is as important as anything you do for someone else. If you consider yourself an important part of someone else's life, think of the possible effect of neglecting to take care of yourself as much as you think of caring for someone else. Make your health and wellness a priority.

Tips on Keeping Yourself Well

How do you do that? Begin by focusing on keeping yourself well. Eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep and rest, exercise, and enjoy some leisure time every day. Remember to schedule your check-ups for medical and dental care so that you are promoting your health and attempting to prevent illness.
"Everybody needs somebody sometime." These words of an old song express perfectly the human need for people in their lives to share conversation, enjoyment, and relaxation. Although the challenge of caregiving may reduce the time you spend with friends and family, take time out to spend with others. If you eliminate the social aspects of your life, you may feel isolated and resentful about the caregiving situation. Family caregivers usually need assistance with caregiving to have time for social activities.

Managing Stress

Although a certain amount of stress is needed in life, you do not want it to get out of control. Here are some tips to keep stress in balance.

Prepare for the morning the night before. Make lunches, lay out clothing, etc.
Do not rely exclusively on your memory. Write things down that you want to remember. Have duplicate keys made. Stress plays tricks on memory.
Plan ahead, plan ahead, and plan ahead.
Learn to say no. You can only do so much.
Take a "time out."
Treat yourself to a relaxing bath, meditate, or read without being interrupted.
Remember to breathe. Take several deep breaths before, during, and after stressful situations or anytime.
Be gentle with yourself. Remember, you are a helper, not a magician!
Remind yourself that you cannot change people or certain situations, but you can change how you respond to them.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Laughter has many positive effects. Laughter is useful in releasing tension, reducing pain, improving breathing, and generally improving your mood while lifting your spirits. If you lose your sense of humor, you lose your perspective on life. Accept the importance of laughing at yourself and being able to laugh about situations.
Try a few time-tested techniques for increasing humor and laughter in your life. Read comics, funny books, or jokes. Listen to tapes of comedians or old radio shows available at your library. Watch humorous movies or videos. Share a laugh with the person for whom you are caring. Try to go to social events where there is a lot of fun or joy. Smile, laugh, and enjoy to get those brain chemicals to release pleasure in your life!

How to Find and Get Help

As a caregiver, you expect a lot from yourself. Be realistic about what you can hope to accomplish on your own and what you can and should reasonably expect from others.

Many times caregiving is cut short by illness or burnout as a result of caregivers thinking they can do it all! You need to explore formal community services to help out in emergencies or when you just need a break.

The following list includes several examples of support services for caregivers, which you may find helpful as resources. This list does not include all available community services, but it is a start for you to consider.

Respite care - temporary help for caregivers (2 hrs/day to 2 weeks, etc.)
Home Health care - nurses, aides, personal care
Homemaker - shopping, laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.
Meals-on-wheels - home delivered meals
Transportation - doctor visits, shopping, etc.
Handyperson - repairs, lawn care, etc.
Friendly visitor - home social visits
Adult day care - physical, emotional, social care center
Geriatric care manager - nurse, social worker coordinates care
Telecare - daily telephone reassurance
Caregiver support group - informal discussion group for caregivers

Community services can be located by telephoning your state Office on Aging, Area Agencies on Aging, local senior centers, your physician's office, the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), your employer's human resource office, church, synagogue, friends, or acquaintances. Also, the internet is a wonderful resource for locating help in your area.

Caregiving for another person can bring experiences that challenge the body, mind, and spirit balance of all involved. Use the resources and tips in this information guide because these strategies have proven helpful in caregiving situations. Be aware of your feelings and those of others about what is happening. Develop positive attitudes about the experience by keeping it in perspective! Remember, Superman is a myth, and Superwoman does not exist. The best you can do is the best you can do. BALANCE!

Reading Suggestions

Greenberg, V. (1995). Children of a certain age. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Home Care for Older Adults: A Guide for Families and Other Caregivers.(1998). M.A. Rosswurm, Editor. Springer Series of Geriatric Nursing. New York: Springer Publishing Co.

Manning, D. (1987). When love gets tough: the nursing home decision. Hereford, TX: In-Sight Books.

Schaef, A.W. (1990). Meditations for women who do too much. San Francisco: Harper Collins.

Schaef, A.W. (1996). Meditations for people who (may) worry too much. New York: Ballantine Books.

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Last Reviewed: May 01, 2001

Evelyn L Fitzwater, DSN, RN
Associate Professor Emerita
Associate Director of the
College of Nursing
University of Cincinnati